The blackout title image might seem terrifying at first, but it’s just an overly dramatic way of saying we’ll be off the air for the next couple weeks. You see, I’ll be heading up to the woods to join an ashram. There, we will engage in a 3000-year-old silent meditation called Vipassana.
Now I know what you’re thinking- you seem so together and sane! Spending ten days in silent introspection would be a practice in futility, as you’re so universally self-actualized! Well, that is true, but to work on oneself is good for everyone, even me.
The course is long and very strict. According to my research, people have been known to dissociate indefinitely. However, if everything goes according to plan, I’ll survive and be able to return to society more superior and sanctimonious than ever! Which everyone will agree is a good thing.
The rules for Vipassana include, but are not limited to, no caffeine, no smoking, no luxury bedding, and no eye contact with fellow meditators. In addition to no communication at all with fellow meditators, one has to wake up at 4am, go to bed at 9pm, not have any food after noon, and not use any electronics. And finally, there is no masturbating (they take this one so seriously, they have to segregate men from women, which is not a super modern practice I must admit).
So needless to say, packing for a ten day Vipassana in the woods is a struggle. I will be dressing only for myself, as no one is allowed to look at me! I’m going to take full advantage of that one. For instance, see above. I have always wanted to wear a messy linen turban. But I worry that in my effort to pay homage to Erykah Badu, I would be insensitively misappropriating black culture. Now I can! Because if anyone is insulted, they can’t say anything!! Also, I’m expecting a lot of white hippie guys, who would be totally down with my man turban.
My sweater is from a golf trip to Ireland my father took maybe 20 years ago- a family heirloom. He would be so pissed if he saw I had it. Lilly Pulitzer plus sized ladies collection made the white linen trousers; the t-shirt is from Pistol Lake; and finally, the Birkenstocks are from Birkenstock.
Also, you might notice that fussie is wearing Mala beads; good eye. See you in a couple of weeks and Namaste!