Hamping, “Is this your first time?”
: the question one must endure on a regular basis due to the crushing desire of the weekend-warriors to let you know that they are… in the know. That aside, the Hamptons are beautiful! I’d like to give you, dear reader, a little breakdown of the Hamptons and who/what/where/whys’ while ‘Hamping’.
Starting from the east:
Montauk & Amagansett– These districts used to be fishing villages and are on the rustic/charming side. Does Montauk have much in common with Mogadishu in Somalia [pictured above?] Sure they are both fishing villages. Rents might be a little higher in Montauk and Amagansett, but they have a lot more common than one might think. Pros: the beach. Cons: it’s a low-speed nightmare to get to.
East Hampton & Wainscott– These towns are slightly more rustic but also the fancy ones. The best shopping and pretty houses are here; the downside is the New Yorkers… Holy shit! Filled to the brim with the people that one would be desperately trying to escape from. Pros: Nice beaches, its where SJP and Andy Cohen live. Con: Traffic and scenesters.
Sagaponack & Sag Harbour– Considered to be the hot spot for creatives. The saggies (see what I did there) are filled with yoga studios, galleries, and cottages of the bohemian variety. Edie and Patsy from AbFab were chosen to illustrate the towns because they are bohemian, but rich boho. Pro: Donna Karen lives there. Con: It’s not the kind of Bohemia that you can afford.
Bridgehampton & Water Mill– Hamping in B-Hamp and Water Mill is more of a farming situation, so this Hampton is where most of the equestrian types live. The plots are bigger but it’s further from the beach. Pros: very pretty in a classically Hamptons way. Cons: The smell of horse shit, and it’s far from things to do. Traffic, sadly, is the only thing one can talk about while Hamping.
South Hampton: Nearly the end of the world. No one knows what’s east of here, but rumors of life beyond the wall persist of savage locals. However, South Hampton has a reputation for being the ‘old money’ Hampton. However: RHONY’s Romona Singer has called it home for decades, so not that classy if you will. Pros potentially elegant and closer to the city. Cons: the aforementioned Romona Singer. PS Classy people don’t say classy.
Quogue & Westhampton: Officially out of the Hamptons by the limited scope of the snobs to the east. The below map is a Town & Country guide to the Hamptons. Pros: Far less fuckery from the Hamptons set, much closer to the city, nice-ish beaches. Cons: The people who live there are said to be desperate animals trying to get a foot onto the Hamptons ladder. (Seems like a win/win for us). This is how Quogue & Westhampton is seen by easterners.
For out Hamping trip I chose a pair of Sleepy Jones ‘camping’ jammies to seem more like a Moonrise Kingdom Hamper. And the below has a pic of the most famous and relevant Hamper of all time- Little Edie.
epilogue: Fussie would not join me because we took the Jitney out to meet friends who were already there. Fussie doesn’t do the Shitney. We stayed in Wainscott but rarely left the compound.